The Rise and Fall

“We all of us need to be toppled off the throne of self, my dear," he said. "Perched up there the tears of others are never upon our own cheek.” 
― Elizabeth Goudge, The White Witch

Pride

Something was smuggled past me while my heart was in its unguarded state of vulnerability. I am devastating.  My interactions with people are not simple. When I see someone I want to know, or when I find a woman who catches my fancy; I reach in, grab their heart, and pull. I use social tactics, deduction, and observation to develop deep emotional attachments at an alarming rate.

The problem with this habit of mine is my pride. My severe paranoia with other humans, and my pride of "being right" (which I believe I developed from my mother) causes quite the delimia. When I am emotionally hurt, or threatened, I go into an angry state of self preservation. Rather then embrace sorrow I jab knives, back into the corner, and fight to keep that pain out. When people hurt I am worse at forgiving and better at amputating. 

A few well placed words brought this to my attention. Suddenly I found myself staring at my hands saying "My god... there is so much blood." And know i'm just trying to clean them off.